dogs could read or understand the entire English language,
I would tell them the following.......
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two dogs in
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate
and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster
than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will
continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping they
can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you
there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been
using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's
butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such
a simple change for you.